What is left behind?

It is already four days after the funeral, everything is back to normal, but deep in my heart, I know....it will never be the same again...........

In one day's time, her room has been drastically changed into somewhat a "MJ room". I don't really blame the one who made the change, as she'd been waiting for this moment long before we even shift in to this house, but don't u think is TOO fast? I thought we all assumed MaMa (granny) will be "coming back to visit us" in 1 week's time? (They called it 'The Return of the Soul') How will she feel when she come back, her room will be like...SO DIFFERENT??? =.="

I always feel that I haven't done enough for MaMa, she is always downstairs (and i am upstairs, in my room) all I have to do is just spend more time with her, although she can't hear, nor talk, but at least she can feel my companion, I am always so selfish, keeping most of the time for myself. So what if I want to see her, spend time with her, I no longer have the chance to do so, or I should say...FOREVER! SHE IS GONE FOREVER! U'LL NEVER SEE HER F-O-R-E-V-E-R!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Come to think of it when I am writing this post, I really miss her, alot! I really want to cry it out... I really want to know where will she be right now? Will she be okay? Is she fine? Tears are blurring my eyesight, but I am more afraid that time will make her image on my mind to be blurrer. Every second I am trying very very hard to catch hold of her looks...At the same time, I am worried because she haven't accept Christ, plus her funeral is Buddhist-based, I also felt afraid because my parents are not Christians too. Mom is such an {anti-religious}, or more known as {anti-Christian}, of course I will not give up easily. I WILL CONTINUE TO ASK GOD TO GUIDE ME, SOFTEN THEIR HEARTS, SO THAT THEY CAN ACCEPT HIM INTO THEIR SOULS...................

Despite all these that are happening, I see sparks of hope! Although it sounds kinda ridiculous when Dad said the whole family should attend Sunday School, just because he likes the hymms sang by the Sunday Schoolers, it reminds him of his olden days as a boy at school, singing all the Christian songs during assembly every morning ( that time was because British ruled Malaya). Schumann think it is rather silly, but instantly I know this is a splendid idea to draw my family members closer to Father Lord!

Oh well, fortunately Schumann agreed that during the funeral, at least we got to communicate a bit with our cousins who usually NEVER talk to us, nor recognise our names.

I understand I shall let bygones be bygones, everything should be on track...but I am reluctant......................................................................